do what you love. fuck the rest.

april goals

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 03:50:11 GMT

1. lose 15 lbs or more
2. NO BINGEING.
3. drink more water.
4. exercise more
5. clean my room every week on sunday morning.
6. study more for math and history
7. buy better clothes. these old ones are getting ratty... :)haha
8. KEEP ORGANIZED.
9. be nicer to my sister
10. actually see P.

low cal recipes

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 05:01:30 GMT

Carrots with Sesame:
http://eatingwell.com/recipes/sesame_carrots.html?utm_source=YahooBlog_News_122908

Makes 3 servings, about 2/3 cup each
2 cups baby carrots
1 tablespoon toasted sesame seeds
Pinch of dried thyme
Pinch of kosher salt
Toss carrots with sesame seeds, thyme and kosher salt in a small bowl.
NUTRITION INFORMATION: Per serving: 33 calories; 0 g fat (0 g sat, 0 g mono); 0 mg cholesterol; 8 g carbohydrate; 1 g protein; 2 g fiber; 72 mg sodium; 220 mg potassium.
Nutrition bonus: Vitamin A (250% daily value), Vitamin C (15% dv).
1/2 Carbohydrate Serving
Exchanges: 1 1/2 vegetable

logging on

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 04:40:42 GMT

Dec 17: 1 orange (60)+tea+a few bites of pizza (120?) + soup (100?) =below 300 ish

me being romantically stupid again.

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 05:05:27 GMT

the perfect guy:what I want is someone whom i can share everything with. as in like he knows all of the little things about me, like how I only like my eggs with ketchup, that I have issues with eating, but he accepts that and works with me on that, he knows that my favorite tea is british breakfast, he knows that I love harry potter and twilight, he knows that i love to be hugged. we would be comfortable with each other, as in like we know each other so intimately that the rest of the world doesn't even matter. like i can give him a single glance and he'll know what i'm annoyed about or just that like i can talk to him about anything and everything, and we wouldnt hold anything back from one another. we could fight a lot sure i dont care about that, but as long as we had a really really passionate relationship filled with a lot of love and we were always testing each other and the sex was great, hell if i could even give my self up enough to even hav ethe sex in the first plae, that would be amirale. he'd know that i hate sary movies, but i want to watch them and that i can drive stick shift and he' bepatient as i drove and stalled a few times and if no one else liked me he'd still love me and i could get as fat or as skiinny an dbe as ugly as me right now or as hot as scarlett johanason and he's still believe that i was the most wonderful person in the world. and we'd be happy. an di could lean on his shoulder like on a plane or soemthing and i would know that he would be there with me and he wouldnt mind if i got drool on his shoulder he'd think it was cute or something but i dunno. most of all he'd just accept me and love me as i am.

i'm backkkkkkk

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 01:43:37 GMT

wow, livejournal. long time no talk.
i'm back now though.
for good

today's accomplishments:
-mowed lawn
-cleaned rabbit
-did laundry
-emptied dishwasher
-put dirty dishes in
-cleaned up around the kitchen

all with only an apple and an orange in me. SO THERE.
mwahahaaaaaa.
i'm gonna fucking kick their asses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IMPORTANT DATES:
12/23- 12/27..........orange county
12/21(?).................party (?)
1/3...........................last day of break :(
1/9...........................birthday!
1/18........................DC trip!

GOALS:
12/12 (fri)............132
12/19...................126
12/23...................124
12/28...................122
1/1........................120, FOR SURE, even if you screw up the rest, be 120 BY JAN 1st!!!!!!!!!
1/5........................117
1/10.......................115
1/13......................114 (FOR SURE)
1/17.......................111 (FOR SURE, NOJOKEDCTRIPISRIGHTTHENEXTDAYWORKITOUTBITCH>)

why i MUST DO THIS.

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 05:46:17 GMT

-i will look good in that highwaisted skirt with the flowers
-skinny jeans.
-i won't have to wear the flowy shirts all the time
-ican actually wear that cute paisley top that only looks good if i have slender collar bones
-thanksgiving: people will like me more
-i won't blush as much because there will be less of me to blush
-no fat rolls
-i can see those little veins on the back of my hands
-people respect thin people more
-i can get people's approval
-hell, i can like myself
-i can get lost in a sweater and look cute with a mug of tea in my hands :}
-i can go in the rain and when my shirt soaks through and sticks to me, i will be able to see flatness and bone definition, not flubber and a stomach pouch.
-i can look good when we do class presentations and not have to wear a sweatshirt daily
-when it comes to those things in physics and they go "who is the smallest person" it will without a doubt be me
-impress
-be worthy of boyd
-when i dance, i won't have to worry about anything jiggling
-my feet won't be fat, so i can wear better heels
-guys will look at me more
-i can go for the whole "tomboy with lose jeans" effect and actually pull it off
-my stomach won't hurt from the top of it pouching over when i slouch
-no one will get mad at me
-my room will be clean
-i can fit into any of my friends clothes and the "i think your stuff is too big for me" thing will be a factor. people look hotter in big clothes as long as the person is skinny.
-i will no longer be the same size as nikki
-i can meet with P. from santa cruz

COUNT DOWNS!

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:47:02 GMT

H/D songs

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 04:50:06 GMT

to be categorized later......
I Wanna Be Bad---Willa Ford

Writer's Block: Forbidden Reading

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:07:23 GMT

From Judy Blume to V.C. Andrews, there's always a book circulating among teens that their parents don't want them to read. What favorite book did you have to hide from your parents?

View 503 Answers

Skinny Bitch ----yup they would've freaked if they saw this, simply because it swears in the title...hahaha

another thing that i had to hide from them (and i still do have to hide this from them....) is Queer As Folk. i 've got a lot of the DVDs and they definitely stay buried away!!!! lmao!

oh, and i suppose this is reading material, but it was on the web...i love reading Harry/Draco fanfiction, which just itself is controversial, but also, there's a LOT of ~~yummy,hot,SEXY erotica~~....um, fics out there that are adult in nature... and i'm only 16..... hehehehehe

as october fades into november...

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 03:39:16 GMT

i plan to take control of my life.
i plan to try harder in school, and get better grades than i am currently.

taking control of my life also means perfecting my body and wardrobe.so here's the calendar
http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/monthly.html?year=2008&month=10&country=1
http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/monthly.html?year=2008&month=11&country=1
October:
25: E's party!
31: halloween
November:
8: send pic to Kahlia
22: send pic to kahlia
27: thanksgiving

quote

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 03:18:25 GMT

the less you have to hold on to, the easier it is to let go.
---brian kinney

aka...don't care, and you won't be hurt

sept 24-oct 4

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 05:16:35 GMT

~~new plan # 948324~~
for 11 days.
looking fat for homecoming??
no eating until someone makes you
example.
you FAILED today. you utterly failed because you COULD HAVE FASTED but you fucking went and stuffed your big.fat.mouth.

so the plan?
breakfast=water and tea
lunch=apple or nothing, if you can get away with it
dinner= whatever they're having or soup if you can get away with it
FUCKING CHUG WATER LIKE ITS GOING OUT OF STYLE!!!!!

WEIGH ON SATURDAY MORNING.

the last of the mohicans sheet music and KISS scene!

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:45:19 GMT

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v645/jeremyfrancis/?action=view&current=pt1.jpg
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v645/jeremyfrancis/?action=view&current=pt2.jpg

KISS SCENE LINK: www.youtube.com/watch
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5vClfRw8RM)

AMAZING SOUNDTRACKS

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:15:57 GMT

in no particular order....

Pirates of the Caribbean
The Last of the Mohicans
The Lion King (Broadway)
Wicked (Broadway)
Brokeback Mountain
Blood Diamond

why i am in love with cora/nathaniel

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 03:32:45 GMT

I think the reason that I love their relationship so much is that it symbolizes a lot of what I want.

There are the huge sweeping hugs that Hawkeye gives Cora, that just swallow her up and I can just imagine her feeling so safe, so secure in his arms, like nothing bad would ever happen as long as she was wrapped tightly in his embrace.
Sort of related to number 1, the way he held her so tightly when she learned that her father had died and she was crying and shaking and he just went up to her and hugged her so tightly and she turned into his chest like he was protecting her.
Then of course, the urgency of their love is so prominent. They NEED to have each other right then, an example is when they first kiss. They both know it, they both want it, and they both kiss each other with the same amount of intensity. She feels like she is the luckiest girl in the world and he feels like he is so lucky too for having gotten her.
It's so new to both of them. Cora has never experienced anything other than the flirty-eyed, demure European courting, and Hawkeye has never known anything at all probably.
Everything they do is so direct. When they were in the surgery room, Cora asked Hawkeye what he was looking at, and he simply said "I'm looking at you, miss." He was straightforward and didn't beat around the bush when he was looking into her eyes. He knew what he wanted and he went after it. and that's fucking sexy.
They were probably both virgins, which makes the first time for both of them so much more exciting. There's something that's really hot about the fact that neither of them knew what they were doing. This was probably uncharted territory for them both. My reasoning is that for Hawkeye, he had never been with another women probably since he was always on the move with his father and brother as the last of their tribe. For Cora, she was a devout Christian, so she wouldn't have had sex until marriage; also, she knew how to say no to people like Duncan or other suitors. For both of them, usually at this time in history, people mated for life; there was not much splitting or divorcing, as that would most likely have been seen as being a slut on the women's part and an inability to keep a wife on the husband's part.
SO...................something in human nature must have told them what they were meant to do with each other. Going off of instincts has got to be one of the hottest things ever. I doubt Hawkeye had even seen another man and women kissing ever. Perhaps Cora hadn't either. Either way, they probably did not have much experience with items of a sexual nature. The way they were acting like all they wanted to do was touch the other and be touched was really "touching" [haha, forgive the pun, please.] and it was so WILD, so FERAL that it just made it all the more real.
anddddd i'll most likely come up with other reasons later :]

the last of the mohicans: cora and hawkeye pictures

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:45:55 GMT

(from the 1992 movie) i love this relationship, it's so sweet (~~if unlikely~~)!
anyways, here are some pictures for m~~y enjoyment~~ research. ;]

and here's some links to other pictures that for some reason won't load onto this page. >:[
http://www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_017.html
www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_016.html
www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_015.html

www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_014.html
www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_013.html
www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_037.html
www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_018.html
www.hotflick.net/pictures/992LMC_Madeleine_Stowe_020.html

well that's all i can find for now, maybe i'll add more later...

my new plan (for the 4372894723th time...)

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 06:43:39 GMT

seriously. you are at an OFFICE tomorrow. where they don't allow FOOD.
sunday
7:00am----1 peach, 1/2 cup soymilk
10:00am---1/2 cantaloupe
1:30pm---1 peach
4:00pm---1/2 of the cantaloupe
7:00pm---1/2 can of soup-n-broth

monday
b: 1 peach
l: 1 apple
d: VEGAN!!
yums: 25 cal hot chocolate

tuesday
b: 1 peach
l: 1 apple & 1/2 hummus sandwich
d: VEGAN!!!
yums: 25 cal hot chocolate

wednesday
b: 1 cup KIX, 1/2 cup soy milk
l: 1 apple, 1/2 hummus sandwich
d: VEGAN!!!
yums: 1 cutie
thursday: WEIGH.
b: 1 peach
l: 1 apple
d: VEGAN!! 25 cal hot chocolate

YOU ARE ~~FUCKING~~ RUNNING OUT OF "FAT SHIRTS"!!!!!!

The Plan (which is pretty genius, if you ask me...)

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 02:22:45 GMT

I. Thursday
__A. Breakfast: 6:30am, 1 peach
__B. Lunch: 11:15am, 1 honey nut cheerios box or lowest cal option available
__C. Snack: 3pm, 1 cup strawberries
__D. Dinner: whenever, lowest cals possible
__E. Attitude
____1. pretend that you are working in an office
____2. on your breaks, read h/d, wicked, watch qaf, etc
____3. NO TV. NO OTHER FOOD!
____4. low cal drinks are OK.

II. Friday
__A. Breakfast: skip
__B. Lunch (12:00pm)
____1. food: skip, you don't need it
____2. drive to barnes and noble, pick up Skinny Bitch
______a. about $15
______b. you will be vegan after this
______c. family/friends can know about it, family: you got it from Niki's mom because you saw it on Ellen. friends: you are "just trying it"
____3. stow physics binder in pocket of car, REMEMBER it!!!! separate physics from math earlier
____4. stow skinny bitch in pocket of car, then in backpack before arriving home
____5. CHECK DADS PLANS for the day!
__C. Dinner: skip, go to sleep early
__D. Aim for FOUR liters of water!!!
__E. Attitude
____1. READ Skinny Bitch, Wicked, and Son of a Witch before you eat again
____2. do homework
____3. watch QUEER AS FOLK!!!!

III. Saturday
TBD

For Good

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:17:05 GMT

ELPHABA
I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
(spoken) For both of us
(sung) Now it's up to you:

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:

GLINDA
Because I knew you:

BOTH
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

GLINDA
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

BOTH
And none of it seems to matter anymore

GLINDA ELPHABA
Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood

BOTH
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

GLINDA
And because I knew you:
ELPHABA
Because I knew you:

BOTH
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.

i*m not that girl.

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:10:57 GMT

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
~~Don't remember that rush of joy...~~
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb rubbish
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

WICKED

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 02:57:08 GMT

Glinda:
Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for once,
instead of flying off the handle!

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever

Elphaba:
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

Both:
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now...

Glinda:
Elphie, listen to me - just say you're sorry...

You can still be with the wizard
What you've worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted...

Elphaba:
I know...But I don't want it - NO - I can't want it
anymore...

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Glinda:
Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur...?

Elphaba:
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'till I try, I'll never know

Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love - I guess I have lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Elphaba: Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do - together.

I'm Limited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been, Glinda,
Dreams the way we planned 'em

Glinda:
If we work in tandem

Both:
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

Elphaba:
They'll never bring us down...
Well? Are you coming?

Glinda:
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this...

Elphaba:
You too - I hope it brings you bliss

Both:
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend...

Elphaba: (4:25 on the song)

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately -
Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me -

Tell them how I
Am defying gravity!
I'm flying high
Defying gravity!
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

Glinda:
I hope you're happy!

Citizens of Oz:

Look at her, shes wicked!
Get her!

Elphaba:
...bring me down!

Citizens of Oz:
No one mourns the wicked
So we've got to bring her...

Elphaba:
Ahhhh!

Citizens of Oz:
Down!

:/ mehhh

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:46:47 GMT

so i'm grounded. for 2 wks
haha
for saying i was going to a bday party and then skipping it.
wtf.
good thing: i didnt eat yesterday without even trying to.
oddly i'm not too sad about being grounded.
lol
the only thing i'm pissed off about is that i'm not going to be able to go out and get those exercise resistance bands that i really really wanted.
whatever.
i've got brian. i've got justin. i've got so many more supporters than "they" ever had. so i'm ok.
the only bad thing is that i have to pay $35 as a fine.
what ever....i've totally got that to spare.
fuck offfffff mother and father.
ahhahahahaha they're so naive. they don't know i've got vicodin pills in my room, they don't know i've looked at porn. they don't know i love h/d. they dont know that i'm fucking NOT EATING. they don't know that i love QAF. they don't know that i've snuck out before. they don't know so many things about me.
and they say they know me.
haha yeah fucking RIGHT. that's rich.
well now i need to go write 3 essays. in 2 days. fun fun fun. fuck me.

shoes.

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:14:31 GMT

http://www.payless.com/Catalog/ProductDetail.aspx?&TLC=Womens&SLC=WomensBoots&BLC=WomensPromoBootines&Width=Regular&ItemCode=61803&LotNumber=064557&Type=Adult&Popularity=192&DescriptiveColor=Black
$25

http://www.payless.com/Catalog/ProductDetail.aspx?&TLC=Womens&SLC=WomensBoots&BLC=WomensPromoBootines&Width=Regular&DescriptiveColor=Black&ItemCode=64002&LotNumber=064473&Type=Adult&cm_id=coloritemgraphic
$35

http://www.payless.com/Catalog/ProductDetail.aspx?&TLC=Womens&SLC=WomensBoots&BLC=WomensBootsTrendy&Width=Regular&ItemCode=60572&LotNumber=063257&Type=Adult&Popularity=&DescriptiveColor=Grey
$28

http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=5&category=cat20006&prodId=dsw10prod190009&brand=
$40

http://reportsignature.zappos.com/n/p/dp/40188984/c/3.html
$189

http://www.bluefly.com/Cole-Haan-dark-grey-leather-Adelyn-mary-jane-pumps/SEARCH/213086600/detail.fly
$129

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:59:17 GMT

boyd isnt gonna go for the fat girl
nuh uhhhh
no sirreeee.
u gona be the fat girl?

damn. ok. new plan.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:58:06 GMT

water/tea/coffee+splenda/diet soda
fast for 58 hrs
wed-14
thurs-24
fri-24
sat-broth and peach in the morning, pineapple at the bbq, and as little as possible then...
sun-peach in the morning, strawberries @lunch, soup for supper